General

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Charity Work – Giving Something Back

Over the last few years of becoming a coach, I am always looking at how to improve myself and put knowledge and skills into action and add some value to another person.

When I started my journey into the subject area of personal development it was never to profit from people’s problems but instead to embark on a new adventure, a new life stage and personal growth.

Unconsciously, I used to think that personal growth was simply just about being competent at my job, being more skilled and more knowledgeable than those around me. This was a competitive trait I harboured but it was with hindsight a very ignorant outlook on life in which I probably missed many other opportunities in life to succeed.

Since the pandemic life has seemingly become more complex, more people living in isolation, mental health issues on the rise with more support needed for people.

Volunteering work seemed to be the next natural progression in my development and see if I could contribute to the success or outcome of somebody else. My initial attempts to find the right volunteering work was difficult but after persevering I managed to take up an opportunity with SSAFA which offers support to UK military veterans.

As I had previously served as a soldier then I was more than aware of the challenges that lie ahead when you leave. As a 30 year old man leaving you feel invincible, ready to take on the world however this is no more than a false sense of security.

People leaving the military (or any organization) can suffer from a loss of identity and purpose. When making the transition from military to civilian life it can be very easy just to find yourself in the “next job” without setting time aside to decompress and shed your old skin.

Knowing and leveraging the right support when someone leaves the military is underrated, I sometimes wonder how things in my own life would of worked out differently had I been more aware of organizations like SSAFA.

Many people leaving the military can have many complex hurdles to overcome such as income, mental and physical health issues, relocation and relationship issues. When someone invests a significant period of their life to an organization leaving this behind and the people in it can be devastating.

SSAFA

I enlisted into SSAFA in 2021and I’ve been very impressed with the organization. It provides excellent support to help you become a mentor in their programme and you meet other mentors from all walks of life where you get hear of other peoples experiences.

Today I work and support people who are transitioning from the military and it is a very rewarding process

Coaching & Mentoring

As I have focused on these areas for sometime, it’s now very pleasing to be able to utilize these skills and knowledge in my volunteering work and see the benefits that mentee / coachee is receiving. Building the rapport with my mentee / coachee is key part of this process and after several sessions as the relationship develops the person starts to experience some level of transformation.

Sometimes just giving your time and listening to another person can be extremely empowering. It gives the person time and space away from what has been occurring up to the point of the meeting. They can come freely and discuss anything with me whilst only sharing what they feel they want to discuss without any judgement or pressure to find that light bulb moment

With a relaxed approached, set in the right environment and given the right support people feel empowered to explore their own thoughts, think forward, come up with solutions. The coach can stimulate this by holding up a mirror to the person and help them challenge their reality.

Final Thoughts

If you genuinely want to coach or mentor then make a difference to peoples lives volunteering is a good place to start. Like with anything in life, having skills and knowledge are only going to be useful if you can put them into practice.

Learning to be a coach in the classroom is a robotic process and although you can learn some of techniques, do coaching exercises doesn’t come close to work with people who have genuine challenges. The process of building coaching relationship takes commitment and time from both sides and over a period of time it can create outcomes.

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The subtle art of corporate behaviours

All organizations have a set of guiding principles and expected behaviours to adhere to in the workplace. Organization leaders are becoming obsessed with these expected behaviours and at times policing the workforce in a way that violates the rules and values of others.

There is always the need to find a balance between what is expected in the workplace and what is acceptable to the people that contribute every day to the success of the organization.

The problem with corporate behaviours is that far too many people eagerly accept them and never seek to stop and think about how this may be designed to influence and undermine their own rules and values. There are many people who seek to promote the corporate behaviours and values continually repeating the language in team meetings, one-to-ones and also social media.

Many people are repeating corporate narratives to appear more virtuous and righteous whilst seeing how it will allow them to climb the co

Human beings have the need for certainty and connection and will often meet these needs by conforming to corporate behaviours and standards even if it means violating their own values to meet these needs.

Many employees are so focused on conforming, through compliance, to fit in with the corporate eco system they do not stop to evaluate (at all) what they are being told and simply accept the company narrative and agenda.

Corporate standards and behaviours, through messages can target ‘Functional Theories’, one of these is known as ‘Adjustment Function’. This is where we all want to increase reward and pleasure and reduce the risk and impact of pain. We pick attitudes that direct our behaviours toward pleasure and away from pain

Corporate standards and behaviours induce an adjustment function to employees. For some employees they will conform to corporate standards and behaviours to an extreme because they associate more pleasure and feel psychologically safe. However, some employees will see this as a direct assault on their own values and beliefs and they will associate more pain to conforming to someone else’s standards and behaviours.

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The Dark Triad

Here is short video I found that gives a simple but effective overview of the different personality traits of the dark triad

  • Narcissism
  • Machiavellianism
  • Psychopathy

This is to draw your attention to these personality traits so that you can be more aware of why people behave in the way that they do. This can help develop coping strategies once you understand these personality traits.

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The 10 Commandments for a Coach

  1. Do no harm
  2. Have confidence
  3. Commit yourself heart and soul to your approach
  4. Feed the hope of your coachee
  5. Consider the coaching situation from your coachee’s perspective
  6. Work on your coaching relationship
  7. If you don’t “click” find a replacement coach
  8. Look after yourself
  9. Try to stay fresh and unbiased
  10. Don’t worry too much about the specific things you are doing
References
~ de Haan 2008
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NLP Communication Model

NLP is a model of how we communicate with ourselves and others based on the information we receive from the external world. Each person will interpret and experience the this differently according to our internal filters

As human beings when we receive this information when will do the following automatically:

  1. Deletion

Deletion occurs when we selectively pay attention to specific aspects of our experience and not others. We may even overlook or omit others. Without deletion, the human psyche would be faced with way too much information. The concept of deletion helps us cope in a world where we are constantly overloaded with information.

2. Distortion

Distortion occurs when we misrepresent reality by making a shift in our experience of sensory data. In Indian philosophy, there is a well-known story of distortion with the rope and snake analogy. In the story, a man is walking along the road when he sees what he thinks is a snake. Upon further inspection, he realises it is really only a piece of rope

3. Generalization

Finally, comes the idea of generalisation. This occurs when we form a global conclusion based on only one or two experiences. You may even know someone who has one experience and forms an opinion about all similar experiences? 

Generalisation is one of the ways in which we learn. We take in information and draw broad overall conclusions about the meaning.

So, the real question is, when two people have the same stimulus, why do they not have the same response? The answer is because we delete, distort, and generalise the information from the outside that comes in from our senses based on one of five filters. The filters of the NLP communication model are:

  1. Meta programs
  2. Belief systems
  3. Values
  4. Decisions
  5. Memories

Metaprograms

The first of the NLP filters is something known as the Meta program. Knowing someone’s Meta program can help you clearly and closely predict people’s states, and therefore predict their actions and behaviours. One important thing to note about Meta programs is they are not good or bad; they are just the way someone handles information.

Beliefs

The next filter is beliefs. Beliefs are those generalisations about how the world is. Beliefs are the assumptions that we have about the way the world is that either create or deny personal power to us.

Values

Values are what people typically move toward or away from. They are basically our attractions or repulsions in life. They are our deep, unconscious belief systems about what’s important, and our values can change with context too.

Decisions

The fifth filter is the decisions that we have made in the past. Decisions may create new beliefs or they may just affect our perceptions through time. The problem with many decisions is that they were either made either unconsciously or at a very early age and are forgotten. However, the effect is still there.

Memories

The fourth filter is our memories. In fact, a number of psychologists say that the present plays a very small part in our behaviour. Some psychologists believe that as we get older, our reactions in the present are more and more just reactions to gestalts or collections of memories that are organised in a certain way of past memories.

‘To effectively communicate, we must realise that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.’
~ Tony Robnins Unlimited Power: The New Science of Personal Achievement.

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My Book Shelf

Here is a list of books I have read in the last 5-6 years that may be of interest to you.

A fantastic read from Tony Robbins that I have read a couple of times. The underlying concepts in the book are on NLP. It is a simple yet very powerful read that will take you on a journey of self-discovery and how you can empower yourself to take action and make some personal improvements

This is the follow up to “Unlimited Power”. A brilliant book that is also incredibly immersive

The first personal development book I read. It’s a great book that teaches you how to analyse and embrace fear and face it.

First published in 1959, David J Schwartz’s classic teachings are as powerful today as they were then. Practical, empowering and hugely engaging, this book will not only inspire you, but it will also give you the tools to change your life for the better

Great book for coaches and has a strong focus on how to question effectively instead of giving advice. One of the coaching principles is that people have the resources to resolve problems themselves. The coach’s questioning helps the client find the answers.

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Recognise the Need for Growth and Change

I’ve always wondered what makes people change job in a relatively small period of time and why the change involves taking a similar role at a different company?

This was something I also have participated in during my technology career for various reasons which include the following:

  • Opportunity

Sometimes the opportunity being offered does not meet your expectations

  • People

People dynamics and working relationships are a key part of being successful. It is very hard to be successful without the contributions of others. When the chemistry between people and teams is toxic it often ends with a few casualties with short term retention of staff.

  • Politics

Conflicting interests within departments or an organization can quickly create silos and a lack of co-operation.

  • Reward & Recognition

One of our most basic requirements in the workplace is to be valued, recognised and rewarded according to our efforts and accomplishments. Sometimes, our ego can get in the way of these basic needs where we seek the need for ‘significance’

  • Burnout

Burnout is not uncommon and sometimes we need to change something in order to regain balance and perspective about our life. Job or role changes do not necessarily mean the grass is greener on the other side so take time to pause and reflect and make a rational decision about your future

  • Status

More people today have some integration with social media, and this creates a level of peer pressure to appear more virtuous, driven and successful. This is often a false reality and is misunderstood about what it means to be fulfilled in life.

  • Personal Growth

It is a natural part of life to grow and sometimes we outgrow a role, job or association with an organisation or even people. This can feel uncomfortable especially if we are not consciously aware of the change that is happening.

I became more consciously aware of my own actions when I started seeing similar patterns on social media platforms like LinkedIn. I observed many people changing the company frequently for the same job roles and I often considered the following things:

  • Is this person truly fulfilled with what they are doing?
  • Is the pursuit of the job opportunity more exciting than the actual job?
  • Is the person chasing status?
  • Is this person seeking approval from who they perceive their peers to be?

Reinvention

When we feel like we are ‘stuck’ or are no longer fulfilled we need to look at how to evolve and re-invent ourselves to regain a sense of meaning or purpose in our lives. We need to take control of this process and do something to reshape the landscape of our life.

It is often visible to observe people in the workplace who no longer motivated by their work, lack passion or have natural energy. People often become frustrated in their working environment and have a range of emotions that they may not fully understand and become unresourceful.

There is nothing wrong with this, this can be for many a natural occurrence in life based on your life stage and circumstances. The key point is to recognize the emotions we experience as a call to action. The emotion is telling us something if we listen carefully.

Instead of getting frustrated by the working environment and feeling that it controls you, take some action by asking yourself some empowering questions:

  1. What type of work would give me meaning and purpose?
  2. What decisions could I make that can reshape my life?
  3. In my existing role, can I make contributions to the success of others?
  4. What emotions do I experience and why?
  5. What is holding me back making a change?

When we take action to change ourselves everything, we experience also changes based on the decisions we make.

I have added some resources below:

Books

The Status Game – Will Storr

Selfie – Will Storr

Video

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Emotional Intelligence – Part 1

What is Emotional Intelligence?

“The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.”

Emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and professional success

A quick, but by no means a comprehensive coverage of the subject but this should give some insights into the mind and emotional intelligence.

EI is the balance mainly between 2 types of intelligence:

  1. Interpersonal Intelligence:

    This is based on how well we interact with others, build relationships and communicate effectively with people at different levels.
  2. Intrapersonal Intelligence

    This is an understanding and an appreciation of yourself and an overall self-awareness of your emotional and behavioural states.

There are several other types of intelligence that will influence EI:

Existential Intelligence
Kinaesthetic Intelligence
Linguistic Intelligence
Logical-Mathematical Intelligence
Musical Intelligence
Naturalist Intelligence
Spatial Intelligence

Feeling vs Thinking vs Storage Brain

Our brain in simple terms, is divided up into 3 areas

  1. The Feeling mind which is also known as the limbic system and is responsible for our emotional states
  2. The Thinking mind is where your personality is stored and is the logical area of the brain
  3. The Storage area is everything that has been learned or retained since birth

Classic Conditioning

Classic conditioning is the process of how the brain naturally responds to stimulus and based on the repetition of the outcome that happens as a direct result.

Operant Conditioning

Operant conditioning occurs when behavioural patterns are reinforced through rewards (dopamine) or weakened due to a negative consequence. This may depend on how often conditioning is occurs and how it is being reinforced.

Emotional Hijacking

Emotional hijacking is where the amygdala responds to stimulus, overriding the thinking or logical part of the brain. The amygdala is emotional and has some emotional memories attached. The hijacking can occur for a number of reasons. We may stored, faulty experiences, memories or belief systems. Specific types of stimulus can trigger these previous experiences, memories or learned belief systems that may not actually be the reality.

Neurotransmitters

Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in the body that transmit signals from nerve cells. There are 3 common neurotransmitters with specific functions.

  1. Dopamine is used in the process of motivational behaviour and behavioural enforcement. Dopamine is often referred to as a repeat and reward behaviour and can be highly addictive
  2. Serotonin is responsible for emotional and some behavioural states
  3. Noradrenaline is used by the body to respond to stress to include danger, alertness, vigilance, arousal or a perceived type of emergency. This sharply focuses our attention to the person, situation or environment

See the following videos from Simon Sinek on neurotransmitters and how this affects mental health

Simon Sinek: We’ve raised a generation on dopamine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEpogM_fxsQ

Simon Sinek – The Good Life Chemistry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wJoeSXuD6I&t=75s

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Tony Robbins Personal Power II

A couple of years ago I was given one of Tony Robbins’ audio programs, Personal Power II. This was received when the in-person UPW event was cancelled in April 2020 and was replaced with a virtual offering the following year.

This is a fantastic program if you are interested in taking your first steps into the world of personal development.

“Personal development consists of activities that develop a person’s capabilities and potential, build human capital, facilitate employability, and enhance quality of life and the realization of dreams and aspirations.[1][better source needed] Personal development may take place over the course of an individual’s entire lifespan and is not limited to one stage of a person’s life. It can include official and informal actions for developing others in roles such as teacher, guide, counselor, manager, coach, or mentor, and it is not restricted to self-help. When personal development takes place in the context of institutions, it refers to the methods, programs, tools, techniques, and assessment systems offered to support positive adult development at the individual level in organizations“

The concepts of this program are incredibly simply, addictive and incredibly effective. The program is designed to be taken over 30 days and each day has multiple sections but are no longer that 15 minutes. This layout ensures even people with the busiest of schedules can adopt an approach that will allow them to digest this material and give you some useful insights and perspectives.

Key Takeaways

Pain vs Pleasure

Pain and pleasure are the guiding forces of our lives
People will do more to avoid pain then gain pleasure

Role Models

Identify people who are already getting the results you want and find out how they achieve this by modelling.

Sensory Acuity

When you are looking to create an outcome or result be aware of what is not working and change your approach until you get the result you want.

Role models are people who are

Neuro Associative Conditioning

Neuro association defines our behaviour.
This is when we link meaning to a particular behaviour and this defines if we try to avoid pain or gain pleasure.

Examples:

Losing weight – Some people may associate pain to losing weight because this will mean giving up specific food or working out more

Some people however will associate more pain to staying over weight and will take action to make themselves healthier

Career Change – Some people will associate more pain to change career because they may need to seek new qualifications, make sacrifice existing commitments to focus on changing career.

Some people however will associate more pain to staying in the existing career then changing

What stops people following through?

Fear stops people following through and as they associate failure and rejection or believe it’s too much hassle or not a good use of time.

Learning how to change our associations to what we link pain and pleasure is key to how we define our lives.

There are a number of audio programs that Tony Robbins has published

If you have not done this program, I hope this may of given you a small insight.

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The Knowledge Industry and Personal Branding


This year I was very privileged to have been in the company of a person with terrific business skills and an entrepreneurial mindset who is doing incredible things in their life, work and business.

When the word “entrepreneur” is used, we often think of some of the very successful people like Elon Musk or Richard Branson but these people are generally outside of our proximity so it was good to have got some knowledge and insights from an aspiring entrepreneur.

I was introduced to the concept of the Knowledge Industry and Personal Branding. I quickly started reading books, participating in some courses in preparation to do Project Next, hopefully in 2022

Below are some courses and books I have recently completed as part of some of my preparation to doing Project Next.

Pluralsight

These courses below should give you a good introduction on business and personal branding. Pluralsight requires a paid subscription to access these courses

Business Basics
Developing Your Personal Brand
Creating and Selling a Digital Product

Books

I’ve listened to the books below on audio during the last month, they are insightful, full of simple but effective strategies for anyone that wants to start building their personal brand

The Underdog Advantage
Millionaire Success Habits
Think Big: Make It Happen in Business and Life
The Magic of Thinking Big

Personal Branding

Here are some great tools below to build visuals for your social media and personal brand, there is a mix of free and paid offerings

Canva
Unsplash
Pexels

I hope these tools and courses help

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Coaching Series – Part 1


Over the last couple of years I’ve taken an interest in coaching and mentoring and becoming engaged with some continuous professional development (CPD) certification with some topics on Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Coaching & Mentoring and some aspects of Mental Health.

I’ve had a strong focus on technology for the last 20 years and invested (and still do) a lot of time and dedication to continually develop in this area, which is challenging because everything changes all the time. If you speak to anyone in the industry they will probably tell you how tough it is with the continuous evolution and a daily level of uncertainty about which challenge your organization may be presented with. You might be just trying to keep the lights on or embracing new technology to keep ahead of your competitors.

I was introduced to NLP a few years ago and some aspects of it were intriguing and insightful although not every aspect of the mechanics resonated with me personally. This eventually led to discovering Tony Robbins and reading his books, listening to his audio programs and content available on YouTube. I wouldn’t go as far to say “life changing”…..well certainly not yet, but it has given me some new perspectives and also some renewed energy and passion for a subject I would simply of never considered as being particularly useful.

NLP is referred to as the “psychology of excellence” and can be used as a tool for personal development amongst some other uses although it is debated how useful some of the strategies and techniques are. Some of areas of the training are interesting, such as how a person’s perception of the world is shaped by their experiences and how it creates a “mental map“. This will be different for each person and highlight that our perceptions are often not reality, also known as “the map is not the territory“, see the links below:

What Is NLP? | Neuro Linguistic Programming | NLP Academy

NLP Communication Models

Since taking some of the CPD courses on the Center of Excellence I’ve then become more interested in the psychology aspects and decided to invest more time into learning and developing counselling and coaching skills as part of my own personal development. Some of the training programs I am currently undertaking are as follows:

Personal Power II
A core audio program delivered by Tony Robbins

Unleash the Power Within (UPW)
Due to COVID, I’ve only got the option to currently do this as a virtual event but the coaching discussions should be quite enlightening.

RMT Core 100 Training

This a life coaching course that has been developed by a number of coaches. There are 100’s of lectures and coaching videos plus live coaching calls and practice sessions. You also get benefits such as a coach acceleration course and resources to help you get started as a coach. Most of the materials are available for life, the live sessions only for 6 months. There is no time limit on the course and with a college degree you can be awarded a BCC

I’ll be adding some more blogs on coaching and mentoring as I start to get more insights to share.

Books

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Unleash the Power Within (Virtual)


3rd – 6th June 2021

I was due to attend UPW in April 2020, it was cancelled due to COVID-19. Just over a year later and there was an opportunity to do this virtually before attending in person

I have been studying Tony Robbins work for the last 3 1/2 years and taken up a number of personal development courses as a direct result. I researched the event before attending, Tony is not present for all 4 days and his other coaches will participate who are all good, some people are left a little disappointed when they find out after joining.

The event takes place over 4 days with around 54 hours of personal development training with numerous coaches, these were advertised to include the following:

Tony Robbins
Scott Harris
Joseph McClendon III
Karissa “KK” Kouchis
Brian Bradley
Todd Hartley
Dean Graziosi
Nick Santonastasso
Anthony William
Siri Lindley
Master Stephen Co

It’s very easy to become focused or obsessed with one area of your life and subconsciously neglect others. Tony’s work, teaching and materials gives you a good awareness of other areas of your life and how to address these and make a difference by taking action.

The events are known for creating lots of energy and getting yourself into a peak state. The psychology behind this is to become more empowered, make decisions and take action to improve some quality of your life in one of the following areas


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Reference:
https://gapmap.tonyrobbins.com/

The format online is well presented and managed very well. One of the immense benefits of doing this online is that you connect with many people over the globe in different time zones. The virtual experience is immersive and connected and with the virtual experience many people have involved their families into the event which makes for a more inclusive event and potentially not something that was thought of previously.

The first day at UPW is a day with Tony for about 12.5 hours. If you’ve studied his materials, trainings and books then you will be hugely familiar with everything he talks about during the first day.

As part of the course events you are sent a workbook and materials for the 4 days. It’s not absolutely necessary to use them you just need something to write on and have lots of spirit as you’ll be on your feet dancing, fist pumping and ensuring you keep in a peak state.

From a virtual perspective this can feel strange but from the main stage you will see people all around the world showing some tremendous human spirit and with Tony giving call outs and encouragement to people, this creates a connection with everyone involved… It was personally touching to receive a shout out.

At certain times of the day you will get added to a breakout room to discuss with others some of the exercises you are set throughout the day. This is a great way to meet other people and share perspectives on the topics being discussed.

The day ends with karate chopping some wood which is replaced by the in person fire walk. It’s a novelty and a little psychology driven.

Overall a good day and seemingly a nice way to finish off a difficult 15 months with COVID as the UK starts to move to easing restrictions.

Hope this may helps if you are considering the event